Letter from me, 10 years ago

Wonder Woman,

Hi! Well, how you doing at...27? Man that sounds SO old! =D I hope you're still active in the Church. I'll bet you're married for eternity to a wonderful guy. (I wonder if it's Superman...=D) Was he a good measuring stick, if not? What ever happened to him? Do you two keep in touch? Hopefully you've graduated from a church college. I'll bet you have a few children -- Is there a girl named Emily Michelle? I love that name. Keep studying your scriptures and praying -- that testimony either grows or weakens each day! Do you and Kelli still keep in touch {Superman's sister and my best friend} You guys ARE sisters. =D Has the second coming happened yet? (Yeah, be sure and let know. Any who...) If not, GET READY NOW!!

Are you still HAPPY? Remember not to get frustrated. Ask for strength from the Lord -- DO NOT be too proud to think you can do everything on your own. Remember not to gossip -- you're feeling have been hurt by it, so you know what it feels like. Always tell your husband you support and love him. Compliment your kids. Be strict on them doing their homework! Read your patriarchal blessing. Heavenly Father knows you. NEVER EVER forget how much he loves you.

~Wonder Woman, October 4, 2000


(My parents sent this to me in my birthday package. It's a letter I wrote at 17 to be opened when I turned 27. )

Would you rather...

...be without your phone
OR
your computer?

~

...be surprised on your birthday
OR
have complete control of the day?

~

...read a book that makes you think but leaves you slightly disturbed
OR
read a light book that you'll forget in a week?

~

...live in a great house in a not-so-great neighborhood
OR
a not-so-great house in a great neighborhood?

~

...know exactly when you're going to die
OR
not?

~


The game is to pick one OR the other. Can't do both.

Me?

I'd rather be without my computer than my phone.
Be surprised on my birthday.
Read a book that makes me think.
Live in a mediocre house in a great neighborhood.
Not know when I'm gonna die.


What about you?

It's official: I'm in my late 20s

"The Astrology & Numerology of your Birthday:

The ruler of your Sun is Venus. Venus bestows a charming, sometimes indulgent nature, with a love of comfort and peace.

Secondary rulers of your decanate and quadrant signs are Mercury and the Moon. Mercury adds an analytical, intelligent, and communicative side to your nature, and the Moon enhances emotionality, warmth, and affection.


Your Personality Profile:

You are a progressive person with dynamism and enthusiasm. Your life is characterized by emotional ups and downs, and you are a sensitive person who picks up much–perhaps too much–from your environment. At times you feel overloaded, but your will is strong and you are resilient. In fact, you can be extremely stubborn at times! Highly magnetic, your communication skills are notable. You could be a natural teacher.
Dynamic – Articulate – Sensitive

Libra: the Scales

Libra is fair-minded, socially aware, and likable. Uncomfortable with anything that throws things out of balance, Libra aims towards harmony and equality. Decisions are often hard to make, and when there are too many of them to make, they can feel drained. Oftentimes they’ll procrastinate so they don’t have to settle on a solution or answer. This is because Libra always sees both sides to any situation. Partnerships are extremely important to Libra–Librans don’t like to go it alone. For the most part, Libra is accommodating and concerned about keeping the peace.

You Are Drawn to People Born on…February 12-22, June 14-24, August 17-24, December 17-24

Easy, subtle attraction and harmony: You don’t feel an irresistible pull towards each other, but over time, appreciate the peace you have between you. These people are good for you, although they might not challenge you to grow.

~~~~~~~~~

So there you have it: Wonder Woman in a nutshell! Indecisive. Procrastinator. Socially aware. Analytical. Emotional. Indulgent. Lover of comfort. Communicative. Teacher. (What I was going to be when I grew up.) All but one of my best friends have these birthdays: Feb 13, Feb 15, Feb 21, Dec. 24.


Today started out rough (kids up early, blow out diaper) but this is going to be a great day. No major plans today, but we've got October booked solid and I feel like this whole month has been a celebration. Haunted house, Odyssey Dance Theater's performance of Thriller, murder mystery part tomorrow, Halloween party next Friday, scary movie nights with friends, plus trick-or-treating in a new fun neighborhood and the church Halloween party.
I barely have time to celebrate my birthday!

But that's okay. I got some chocolate for myself, will probably buy a new purse, and plan to cook my favorite meal -chicken parmesan- tonight. Homemade candy sampler tonight for Relief Society.

27 is going to be a great year!

Reality TV in parenting: Hoarders, Supernanny and Rock of Love

You know, I try to be a nice parent. Do fun things. Buy toys at the dollar and thrift stores. Get drinks from Sonic. Make cookies. Help clean up toys. Fold laundry.

I ask my children to do things instead of telling them. I give them the opportunity to choose to obey. I give second chances -- I'll count to three. Then I inform my kids of the consequence of their action so they know full well what they are choosing.

But I'm starting to wonder if I've done it wrong.

Because today I asked the kids to do things and I was only ignored. I started counting and got no response. I told them the consequence of not obeying and they still chose it. Then they threw fits when the consequences were enacted.

All we wanted was for the kids to pick up their toys. Superman asked nicely several times, then upped the ante: pick it up or it gets thrown away. Fits ensued because the boys didn't want their toys thrown away. Spiderman started to pick things up, but the Hulk didn't. He just threw a bigger fit.

We started putting trash and toys into a box to throw away. Instead of The Hulk taking his things out of the box and putting them away, he knocked over the box. (I didn't nickname him "The Hulk" just because he likes the color green.) Trash and cheap toys scattered. So I put him in his room as he started swatting at me.

30 minutes later, all had been picked up and Spiderman was doing his homework. I had a talk with Hulk about cleaning up our messes. He told me he "never never never" wanted to clean up. I asked him if he knew what would happen if we never cleaned up. He said he didn't.

So I turned on Hoarders. Luckily it wasn't on a commercial and the hoarder in question had a particularly disgusting house.

We talked about how there wasn't room to play or even walk. There was dirt and trash everywhere. I told him that we clean up our messes so that our house is a happy place to be.

By then, of course, the house was all picked up and there was nothing left for him to do.

Fast forward to the present -- bedtime. Completed our routines of pjs, books and prayers. Tuck the boys in, kisses good night, lights out. 10 minutes later, I'm in there turning off the light, telling them that if I have to come back in, they get no candy tomorrow. Ten more minutes later, I'm up there again. Every time I go into the boys' room to turn off the light and tell them to stop talking, I take away another privilege. Isn't that what Supernanny would do? As it stands, they get no candy, no computer games, no Tom and Jerry, and they can't play with their new ninja toys I so generously bought them today.

The boys share a room, but that was obviously too much for them tonight so I put one in Miss Marvel's room before she went to sleep. 20 minutes later I went in to put her down and move the supposedly sleeping child to his room, but he was still awake. As was his brother. Both had the lights on and weren't even trying to sleep. (That's when they lost computer games and DVRed shows.) I told them that if I had to come up again, they wouldn't play with their ninjas.

10 minutes later, I hear screaming and yelling.

The Hulk bit Spiderman on the rear. Spiderman had been grabbing Hulk's neck. (The red marks hadn't faded after ten minutes.) Classic Rock of Love cat-fight style. I tried to find out what they had been fighting about, but neither remembered. Spiderman is now on the couch in the living room and The Hulk is alone in his room. Hopefully this separation will do the trick and both will go to sleep.


I don't know what else to do, short of beating them. Which I won't do, despite the carnal desires of my exhausted, migraine-suffering body.


Have I been too nice? Are they "just boys"? Should they not share a room? Do I need to inflict harsher consequences? Do it sooner?

I am at a loss.

And we even had a great family home evening tonight about prayer. Just when I think I'm doing a good job as a mom, a night like this comes along, when my life is straight out of a reality show.


If only it were as fake as most of those shows are.....

Here's where my inner Libra really comes out.

I am horribly indecisive. It's a chronic problem for Libras. So I need your help.

We've got family pictures tomorrow and I can't make up my mind. I know what Superman and I are wearing. He'll be wearing a black sweater over a white collared shirt and jeans. I'm wearing a black top with dress pants and pearl accessories. I thought about wearing skinny jeans since that's what "in," but I decided that I wanted to go classic. I never want to ask myself, "What was I thinking, wearing those in a picture?!" So we're set.

But I don't know what to do with the children!

I've got these options for the boys:

This is a corduroy-type shirt and a ribbed sweater, in case you couldn't tell. Both are a darker red than they appear.

Or we have the plaid shirt option.

And this for Miss Marvel. Black top or white top? She's wearing a small red bow, white tights and the Mary Janes. The black top has a little gathering at the neck line.

So plaid? All red? Ruffles? I don't know what would be best.

Also, I got my hair cut a few weeks ago. I ended up with "The Rachel" -- chunky layers instead of lots of blended layers. Should I go back tonight and have them fix it? Or is that too risky? Should I just "make it work?" I could do my hair wavy/curly.........so many options......

What should I do?
What would you do?
PLEASE help me!!!!!!

Lucky

NieNie asks: What makes you lucky?

I answer:

Super-cute and stackable chillins

And, of course, I'm "Lucky I'm in love with my best friend.

"Lucky to have been where I have been.
Lucky to be coming home again.
Lucky we're in love in every way.
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed.
Lucky to be coming home someday."
(Jason M'raz and Colbie Caillat, #85 on my playlist-->)
Superman texted me last night:
"You wanna go out? We'll get shakes, go to the club, shoot pool and catch a movie."
After putting the kids down I walked into the kitchen to find a sign that said "Stone Shoppe," where I got some ice cream. We walked downstairs to "Stan's Pool Hall" where I schooled Superman in a game of pool. (Not really. But he scratched on the 8-ball so I "won" the game.)
Then we went to the "Orem Cineplex" and watched First Knight.....till the DVD froze. So we just went to bed early.

It was wonderful.


So what makes you lucky today?

My autumn recipe

Start with a little bitta this:

Little bitta that:

(sorry 'bout the poor quality. Sign says Eat, Drink and Be Scary!)

Mixed with this:

(Although I'd rather have this:
framed above my fireplace).


Add some of this:

With a generous amount of this:

and slippers and hoodies.

Top it off with:



{Insert picture of hearty, homemade chicken noodle soup.
Google didn't have a good enough picture.}




I love, love LOVE fall!


Cooler weather.
Rain.
Slippers.
Hot chocolate.
Soups.
The aromas.
Leaves.
My birthday.


What are your favorite things about fall?

GNO @ the Chocolate (aka: The only thing that's getting me through the next two days)

You going to the Sassies Girl's Night Out tomorrow? It's at THE CHOCOLATE in Orem.

Need I say more?

Yes, I do?

Okay.
There will be TONS of giveaways.

At THE CHOCOLATE.

After the last two craptastic days, this is the only thing that's keeping me going.


So you gonna be there or be square?!

General conference meme

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity is doing a General Conference Meme and I decided to participate. Feel free to play along!

1. Who were your three favorite speakers? Pres. Uchtdorf, Sister Cook, Elder Scott

2. Favorite talk? Pres. Uchtdorf. And not just because he's the easiest on the eyes. I need to remember to slow down and get back to basics. (Personal prayer and scripture study.)

3. Favorite hymn sung during Conference? Honestly, I paused so many of the talks that I skipped through most of the songs. I always love singing "Redeemer of Israel" because it reminds me of Elder Bednar's "Tender Mercy" talk.

4. Who wore the best tie? There were several striped ties! Did they do that before? Is it just that this is the first time I've paid attention? Somebody had an orange and blue.....who was it?

5. Do you think conference had a “theme”? Agency, prophets, mastering the fundamentals. There was a lot at the end about sin and addiction. Superman tells me that usually priesthood session is all about the evils of pornography, but it wasn't this time. Apparently more than men needed to hear it this time. There was also a lot about the media in our homes.

6. Share a few of your favorite quotes (paraphrasing is fine).

Two from general RS meeting: "Relief Society can replace fear, doubt and selfishness with faith, hope and charity, " Julie B. Beck

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them," Mother Theresa, as quoted by Pres. Monson

We don't need to be perfect; just honest and sincere -- Rosemary M. Wixom

We are responsible for our faith, or lack of faith -- Richard C. Edgely

I don't want to have a brief flirtation with spirituality -- Neil. L. Andersen (Loved his whole talk)

We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become. -- Richard G. Scott

Beware the artificial flies of the counterfeit fisher of men -- M. Russell Ballard (his was great)

"I have miles to go before I sleep and promises to keep," Pres. Monson. He's very poetic.

7. Something that made you smile during conference.

Pres. Uchtdorf's "I know what you're thinking. What does nature have to do with airplanes?" Hilarious!

8. Any evidence that your children paid attention?

The first couple of sessions were rough. Kids whined, didn't do the packet, and ended up just playing outside. Today I looked for bingo cards for them, but realized I was out of printer ink. Sunday morning session was okay -- by the end I had written words and drawn a few weak pictures to start tallying common words. Between sessions, I cut a few pics from the Ensign and Friend, glued them to posters, and had big tally sheets for the kids. It worked really well. They paid attention and repeated all the words they recognized. (Spiderman scored big with the Aaronic Priesthood talk!) I took pretty copious notes through each session, but during the last one they waned as I helped the kids identify words. I'm going to need to go back and study the ones from that session in particular.

Sunday morning The Hulk asked for a piece of candy while Pres. Monson was talking. I told him I'd get one when Pres. Monson was done. He proceeded to throw a fit and spent some time in his room. He calmed down with just a few minutes left, so I summarized Pres. Monson's talk on gratitude. I asked Hulk to tell me something he was grateful for before I got him a piece of candy. He did, and I plan to make that a thing. Saying "thank you" for something before asking for something else. I'll also try to remind them that it's what the prophet said to do.

9. If you had to give a talk in General Conference (don’t faint, this is hypothetical), what do you think you’d speak about?

Something that I have experience in, so............um.........being a faithful musician in the church and accepting every music calling you get. =D Kidding. And no, I don't have a calling (musical or otherwise) yet. I'd want to talk to women about how great they are, or to young mothers. (Talks by Sister Nadauld and Elder Ballard come to mind.)

10. What are some of your post-conference goals?

Daily family scripture study. This isn't a habit for us and it MUST BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right now, my goal is to read one verse and briefly discuss it before family prayer in the morning.

I also need to have personal study, but honestly, I haven't thought too much about how to implement that. I should just get up early but the tempation to get back in bed is so strong! I'll have to figure that one out.

Don't see only what is lacking -- be more grateful.

Be more cautious of the media in my home.

So what about you? Any goals in particular? Favorite quotes? Thoughts in general?

Another letter, quite different from the last

(not another passive-aggressive attempt to vent like yesterday)

Dear NieNie,

You were truly incredible tonight. You were worried that no one would show up, when in reality so many people came that there weren't enough seats. There even wasn't enough standing room! People were being cleared out of the aisles to keep with the fire code. We all laughed when you good-naturedly joked that you thought it was a good idea to observe that darn fire code. I had planned on arriving 20 minutes or so before it started, but didn't plan well and had to run to Walmart to buy more formula for my baby. Even if I had arrived when I wanted to, I'm not sure I would've found a seat. It was that crammed. So I stood at the back, grateful to at least be in the room.

We saw your Mormon Messages video, which was a perfect introduction to your thoughts on Recapturing Beauty. The tears (and snot) were already running down my cheeks. Why didn't I think to bring tissues? How did that not even enter my mind, especially since I have the beginnings of a cold? Silly girl.

Then, you started at the beginning.

Now, I read your blog. I've read all the archives. I saw you on Oprah and the Today Show. I read the multiple-part article written by the journalist in Arizona. But none if it really prepared me for hearing your account in person.

You spoke briefly of your life in Arizona -- 4 beautiful children, a doting husband who loved his job, you teaching yoga at a little place down town. You spoke of the home that you had finally purchased -- a home you prayed and prayed would be yours. (We prayed and prayed for our home, too.) Life, it seemed, was perfect. "A fairy tale." Mr. Neilson even called you Snow White.

Your husband worked for Boeing and loved any kind of aircraft. He had just earned his pilot's license. You dreamed of the ease that would create in your life -- quick and easy flights home to Utah and New Mexico. No security checks or worrying about your children bothering other passengers.

You recalled making pizza dough and leaving it out to rise the night before you flew home, because Saturday was pizza night and the children were really excited about it. (Saturday is pizza night at our house, too.) (And I took note of the way you always referred lovingly to your "children." I've never heard you call them "the kids," as I often refer to my own children. I think I'll change that.)

You talked about feeling the plane lose speed, and putting your head between your legs. You thought of how your baby, not yet 2, had clung to you, not wanting you to go that day. You remembered your children laughing and smiling. Your life -- your children -- flashed before your eyes.

And then.....

You remembered your 2nd grade teacher teaching you to "stop, drop and roll" and so you rolled. You must've "rolled across two fields." That's why they teach that stuff young -- because it sticks.

You didn't share the details of your personal miracle, but I felt the Spirit witness as you bore testimony of the fact that "God is alive" and is very aware of everything in our lives. You saw the leaves on the trees and thought, "It's going to be okay." When the EMT's came, you told them you needed to get home to your children. You wondered what you looked like, touched your face, and didn't recognize what you were touching. You were life-flighted to the hospital and then.....

....you didn't wake up for three months.


You joked about waking up on Halloween and being in your mummy costume. Then weeks later, you realized that the nurses hadn't wrapped you in purple and white swirly bandages.

That was your skin.

Your hair, that you had painstakingly grown out for years, had been shaved so the skin could be harvested.

You hadn't seen your children in 5 months. 5 months! In 5 months, my baby has gone from sleeping all day to crawling all day. My oldest has started kindergarten. The Hulk finally got potty-trained.

5 months is a long time. You missed 2 of your children's birthdays. You hadn't seen them, and they hadn't seen you. You weren't sure that any of you were ready, but your family knew that your children needed to see their mom.

Once your children did finally come to see you, it wasn't good. Your daughter wouldn't look at you. Neither of your sons recognized you. It was hard.

You had yet to see yourself. "It's time. It's not as bad as you think," the nurses, surgeons, and Mr. Neilson all said.

But when you finally looked, it was as bad as you thought. Worse, even. You felt like a monster. You thought it would be best for your sisters to keep your children and you just stay in the hospital so no one would have to see you. Your children wouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed of you.

But staying in the hospital forever wasn't an option. It was time to go home. Time to discover the new normal.

It wasn't easy. Your daughter still wasn't looking at you; she'd only look at your feet when she talked to you. Your sons didn't recognize you. You didn't recognize you. You had trouble reconciling the woman you knew with the one in the mirror.

But slowly, you, and your children, began to recognize something.

Your mother heart.

You discovered new things every day that you were able to do. Kneeling down to wash your boys' hair. Doing the dishes. (Both tasks that had to be done wearing rubber gloves.) Making lunches. Doing the girls' hair before school with fingers that didn't work right. But you were doing it.

Then one day, you walked into the bathroom and saw your daughter, and she saw you. She looked at you, and it was like a deer in the headlights. She couldn't stop looking. "Claire! You're looking at me! We're doing it!" you exclaimed.

"Yes, we are!" she smiled back. From then on, she's never had a problem. And your boys started to recognize your songs, your touches, your habits.

Your mother's heart.

Your real beauty.

It never went away.



Women today are so caught up in a competition, you said. I know *I* get caught in it. Having the right hair style. Cute accessories. Being thin. Being "sexy." Having a nice car, a big and cute and clean house. I know that for me personally, it's not that I want to be better, I just want to be on par. As good as. But even keeping pace means your in the race.

There is no point in being so caught up in all these superficial things. Our real beauty doesn't lie in any of those things.

"Your beauty is a gift from God, and it can not be taken away," you said. What a beautiful thought. "If you're having trouble finding your beauty," you told us, "pray." God will show it to you. "If *I* can find it, you can."


Suddenly I feel dumb for complaining about pimples. Instead of resenting them, I'm grateful for the fact that I can bear children. Instead of looking at the extra roll around my waist as something that makes me ugly, I will be thankful for enough food to eat. I guess I should also be thankful for the ability to eat it, since that's something you lost. (Though frankly, I could skip a few meals and be just fine.) Instead of looking at my abdomen full of stretch marks and grimacing, I will be thankful that I was able to carry three healthy children to term. I will also be thankful that they are always concealed, and not on display for all to see. I am also thankful these scars occurred naturally.

I will love my body for what it is, but I will also find ways to magnify my inner beauty -- my mother heart. I will take an extra moment to kiss my sleeping children. I will take an extra moment to talk about the school day. I will make eye contact with my children when they are talking to me. I will start and carry on traditions. I will pay attention to the times where I can bear testimony spontaneously, and teach truths. I will give extra hugs. Extra kisses. Extra compliments. Extra love. Love, love love.


Our beauty is the love we give.


So thanks, Stephanie. Thank you for your words, your spirit, your joy, your vulnerability. Thank you for your example. You are a truly, truly beautiful woman of God.


Signed,
a humble, thankful woman who will valiantly strive to recapture her own beauty