The divine Stephanie posted the most fantastic video today about invisibility in motherhood. It brought me to tears. And yesterday, the master word-crafter Terresa wrote something that spoke to me. It was a beautiful and honest reflection on motherhood. About the sacrifices we make. They've got me thinkin'.
I am feeling particularly sacrificial today. I've been pregnant for 36 weeks. I am more exhausted than normal. My back hurts oh-so-much. I'm having a Braxton Hicks contraction right now. (Yes, I checked. They're BH, not the real thing. Whew.) I am sacrificing my body, and will soon sacrifice even more to bring this spirit into the world. Then the sacrifices will just continue as I give up sleep and ownership of my body for the little one.
But that's what we do.
We sacrifice sleep. A lot of sleep. Whether we're feeding a baby, or consoling a child with a bad dream, or just teaching a child that they can pull down their own pants, moms sacrifice sleep by bucketful. By the 10 gallon drum-full.
We sacrifice an organized dinner prep for the child who just can't get enough time with mom. We also sacrifice a clean kitchen, because toddlers aren't known for being the most efficient in the kitchen.
We sacrifice the last of the frozen Junior Mints to the kids asking for, "Just one, please!" (It's my own fault for not being sneaky enough.)
We lay these things and countless others upon the altar of motherhood, hoping that not only will they make a difference to our kids, but that they'll make a difference in us. If I'm giving up things that really matter to me, I'm changing what matters to me. And that changes me.
With any luck, I'll get to the point where those things don't feel like a sacrifice. Is it possible that I could see them as golden opportunities? Maybe instead of yelling to my son from my warm bed that he can pull his own pants down, I can get up and congratulate him for being so big. I can memorize his little face, so happy that he's done something so grown-up.
Maybe instead of kicking my kids out of the kitchen, I can teach them how to stir the noodles and roll out the dough. Maybe I can tell them how happy it makes me to have helpers, and how important it is for boys to know how to cook. Maybe they'll actually grow up learning a few things about the kitchen. (Hey, a mom can dream, right?!)
Maybe instead of reluctantly handing over the Junior Mints...........I can be sneakier about sneaking them. Or maybe I can be thankful for the kids who keep me from consuming the extra 50 calories. And I can teach them about sharing even the things we love a lot, because that's what you do in a family.
Maybe instead of looking for ways I can be selfish, this mom thing will teach me to rejoice in selflessness. It's only in losing myself that I'll find myself.
Hopefully I'll find someone worth keeping around.
17 comments:
Rejoice in selflessness, not a bad idea. Next time I clean out poopy undies I'll try to rejoice a little, maybe sing a hymn. I'll let you know how it works.
A sacrifice or a golden opportunity, that's the rub. To see it as the latter, and see it again and again, as the months and years pass with our little ones.
You are brave. You can do this!
Great thoughts...some days it is SO hard to see the joy in motherhood...they grow up so fast though.
I've seen your happy face commenting on a lot of blogs I frequent, so I had to come over and "meet" you. So glad I did!
I needed this post today, and was thinking about writing one just like it. Today I feel wrung out like a stinky dishrag from the sacrificing to my children, my husband, my violin students, and all those around me. But I have to remember that if I didn't have those people around me, I'd spend my time whining about how no one wanted me or needed what I have to give.
Now, if I could just have a little more sleep a little more often.
The great thing is that every time you read a book or share that Junior Mint or pull up those pants or do a thousand other things, you're creating a bond. No, they won't remember those moments of sacrifice in twenty years (YOU will, though!). But they'll remember how they FELT. That they were loved. And as they grow older, the rewards start to come. I'm in the next stage now. It has its own major sacrifices of a different kind, but it also has some serious rewards. It ROCKS.
Someone once told me that a mothers sacrifice is second only to the atonement. It humbled me to know that for every diaper changed and every face washed, I was sacrificing in that way. Wonderful post! You know how to say it!!
Love this.
Deep Breaths. Deep, deep breaths. I needed this today, after spending most of it on the verge of tears or ripping my hair out.
This two year old boy may be the death of me.
I would be so curious to know if Superman remembers anything at all from that stage in his life, and how he felt about his mother...
Love this post. We do sacrifice a lot, and sometimes (a lot of times) it's not too happily. Great thoughts.
I wish I could express my words to you about this post as elequently as you express yours. Thank you, this was beautiful, I think it needs to read over TV- something like the "State of the Mom" address. It makes you want to stand up and cheer and at the same time be humbled by the great work you are doing. "Be not weary in well doing, for ye are laying a great foundation".... I'm paraphrasing, but I think you know what I mean.
Thank you for this post. I needed it!
It's so hard when they are little. Motherhood is always filled with sacrifices but they seem to change as the kids get older. I'll be honest- I really DON'T miss the 'physically hanging all over me' or 'potty training' stages. Each season with our little and not-so-little ones comes with it's own blessing and challenges. It's just a short time though and then you're free to find yourself again- trust me!
I feel like sometimes I've sacrificed so much I have nothing left at all, but your little changes in perspective are what I will try for the next time I feel that way.
That was beautiful. In fact it made me cry. I heard about your blog from Motherboard at MMB and am glad I came over--that click was well worth it. Lovely thoughts beautifully articulated. Your children are very blessed to have you!
I agree with Braden!
You've got it, girl. And trust me, we'll (all) learn this lesson over and over again because we forget or talk ourselves out of it, but you're so right. Selflessness is WHY we are mothers.
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