Do any of you SAHMs out there ever feel guilty? Like, guilty that you get to stay at home in your pj'sand blog and do some laundry and dishes and play with you kids while your husband works? Superman's job has been incredibly stressful lately and he's had a hard time making himself get out of bed and go to work. In fact, he showed me this commercial today, saying it was probably bad that it described his life so well.
The small animal bit is especially true.
Anyway........it makes me want to be a self-mutilator or something (like the Albino in The DaVinci Code) to make our lives equally sucky.
Am I alone in this? Before his job got as stressful as it is right now and we'd have those "who has it worst conversations," I could put up a pretty good argument. I had two kids in diapers. Had to do the dishes every day. All the laundry, mopping, grocery shopping on a budget........perhaps it was a different kind of challenging, but challenging nonetheless.
Now, however, I only have 1 in diapers. And I'm really working on getting him out of them. (Which I guess is another point for me on the "challenging" side, but whatever.) The boys keep each other entertained all day. I get to blog, and go to playdates, and the library, and the park. I get to go shopping, watch Vh1 while I fold laundry, and read books. Sure, I have to do a load of dishes each day, but how hard is that, really? And most the time, I enjoy fixing dinner.
So basically, I feel guilty. His job is intensely stressful. (I know I've used that word a couple of times, but I just can't think of a better one.) It's a battle for him all day, every day. And I.......blog. And play games with my kids.
Have you ever felt guilty for having it easier (for a time, at least?)
19 comments:
I feel guilty every single day for the same reasons you do. Sometimes I'll have those crazy mom days where I just need a break because for whatever reason, the kids have me on my last straw. Casey will come home and take over to let me have a break for an hour or two. Then I start to feel guilty because when does he have a break? So...I'll decide that when he comes home he can have a break...but then when do I get my break? I guess it's all part of parenting. You give a little and take a little. You're a wonderful wife, mother, and friend and Superman is extremely blessed to have found you and you are him. Though I don't see y'all together very often, I can see the love you have for one another. He knows you love and appreciate you for all you do even if it's worrying about him. Continue to love and pray for him. (Wow, that wasn't as much as a comment as it was a short book...sorry!)
I feel guilty until hubby tells me about going to lunch with his co-worker, or playing racket ball with the co-workers, or comes home at night to dinner made, children clean, homework finished, and gets to sit down and play with his computer or watch TV or play basketball with his friends. The closest I get to going to lunch with anyone is when I blog while I eat a PB & J. You know what I mean? So what if hubby's job is stressful? It's not tedious, the busy times come and go, he gets paid vacation, and a paycheck. And, his job is done when he leaves the office. My job isn't done until everyone in the house is asleep. : )
I just got your comment on my blog. All I can say is...YAY!!!
I really don't feel guilty. In fact, I make my husband do the dishes every evening when he's home. But I have 3 in diapers, and have to coordinate the lives of 4 kids 5 and under that have a few special needs (small ones, but ones that require coordinating) and I also work from home, earning 1/3 of our monthly income. So yeah.... I don't feel guilty. In fact, I blog, watch tv, and throw "I need to get out of the house RIGHT NOW" tantrums just to stay sane.
Plus I think that potty training should really rate you up there with any high stress job. You shouldn't feel guilty. Think of the happy haven you have created at home for your over stressed hubby - that totally earns bonus points in any contest.
i totally hear you. husbands are the real heroes. and what i hear you saying is that you appreciate all the hard work your husband does for your family and you feel bad for his stress. i get it.
ALL. THE. TIME.
Even on my worst days, there's still those amazing moments where I think, "I wish My Man were here to see this ..."
We really are the lucky ones.
ya know Alyssa... i think We ALL SAHM have felt that way moer than once. Don't beat yourself up over it....
one time i was feeling especially bad about it when we were like Dirt Poor & in debt up to our scalps... and here i was staying at home with the kids.....
i asked spencer... in a serious tone, "I need to know. Do you think i need to go out & get atleast a part-time job? I can do it at night when you are home sleeping with the kids?"
he said
"ABSOLUTELY NOT--what if the kids get sick in the middle of the night when you are gone... you know I don't really know what to do!!!"
that settled it ♥
Obviuosly I don't have a husband, but what goes around comes around - to us all.
I only feel guilty on occasion. I know Clint's job can be very demanding and stressful and I know it has to be hard dealing w/ grown adults who act like crabby 3 year olds, so those are the days when I feel bad for him. But to be honest those days are far and few between simply because Clint really doesn't do a whole lot to help me around the house. He comes home to a hot, ready to eat meal, doesn't have to clean up after himself, plays with the kids a bit and gets on the computer. He tries to take his turn putting the kids to bed but when he's working over time, I'm working over time too. Like previous post said, I don't get to rest until all is safe and sleeping.
I'm not even a SAHM yet, and I kind of anticipate that kind of guilt. But seriously, you shouldn't! You're equal partners in caring for and providing for your family and if your load is bareable, how much more does that allow you to be able to better support your husband? Think of Emma Smith and the "stress" she watched her husband go through! But her job was to support him and lift him in his trials. And there will be times he has it easier and has to support and lift YOU. There's no reason to feel guilty or inadequate.
I didn't feel guilty until just now.
I think everything comes in waves. Sometimes the kids are on their best behavior and Scott's job sucks and I feel really bad for him. But when the crap hits the fan at home and nobody will get ready for school and lunches need to be made and the little one refuses to leave my side for even a second the roles reverse. Plus Scott works for Linked In and they have food brought in daily, more video games than any office should have, soccer on Tuesdays and the random dodge ball tournament. We both have it good and bad depending on the day.
I don't feel guilty, as long as I am keeping the house in reasonable order (which I'm not always, and then I do feel guilty). Dave loves to play with Charlie and is glad to have father-son time after work, but he HATES changing diapers and he just wouldn't want to be the one to attend to all of Charlie's needs, wants, etc., all day long. So even though being a SAHM isn't stressful for me, the same responsibilities would be quite stressful for Dave. And his job can be stressful at times, but I think he's happy with the setup.
first off... that video was really funny. =)
I know what you are going through.
After I had Avi I was so determined to find a job and help out because I was feeling guilty that Lance had to go to a job everyday that he hated. This last year I was practically being his mother and having to kick him out of bed to get to work. It was very stressful on the both of us.
He wasn't looking for a new job he was always depressed, but luckily the lords works in misterious ways and he lost his job. It was the best thing that ever happen to him and our family.
Keep doing what you are doing and let the lord guide you because he knows what is going on.
I'll have Lance keep an ear open to jobs that Levi can do just incase a good one comes around =)
You shouldn't feel guilty. You are doing the hardest and most important job there is to do. Yes, your husband's job is important, and yes, he gets paid for it. But that doesn't mean you should feel guilty because your job is twice and hard, and you get paid zip.
I don't feel guilty for being a SAHM at all. But, then again, I have worked part time for most of it. This past 6 months is the first time in my married life that I didn't have an income, and it's driving me crazy. Hopefully, some CD's will sell and I'll be able to supplement that.
On that note, maybe you could do something from home, to make you feel like you're contributing. I know a lot of people who sell Tupperware, or MaryKay, or something like that.
You could get into those shoe parties. You'd be really good at that.
Right now that is not the case at our house. John's position is kind of in transition now so he has to LOOK for things to do at work. And I try desperatly to get everything that I need to done at home one handed because I have a baby who refuses to be put down. (he's on my lap as I type this.) I can barely carve out an hour to myself to blog. Sometimes not even that.
Then my husband comes home and has started to nag about the dirty house and the lack of things being done promptly: laundry done and put away, toys picked up. I haven't vaccumed the upstairs in MONTHS. So really, nope. No guilt. A little resentment maybe but no guilt.
Oh that video made me laugh.
Sometimes I do feel guilty, but then I remembered that I did work to get Luvpilot where he is now. I worked as a dental assistant and office manager for years while he was getting his training and experience. He never makes me feel guilty and wants me to stay home, but still sometimes I feel like I need to contribute financially. Mostly when I've spent too much money ;). But I absolutely love being the mom and the wife and taking care of the house. Our work is hard sometimes, but just a different kind of hard.
I do understand what you are saying. I have been having this nightmare about trying to find a job and knowing I should have one and not having one and running around crazy like looking for one. I think that means I feel a little guilty. M
Oh I can relate! Whenever I feel that way, I just step up my job at home so that when he gets home, he walks into peace and quiet ;)
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